So, it's been a while since I've been over here.  It's because most people voted for me to just put everything on Not2Us.  However, I think it's time to revive the ol' LIA.  :)  And what better way to start than by sharing a giveaway with you all?  I really like this one, so I thought I'd share!  Good luck!

This should be a fun one, eh?  :)

First, let me say that I know this could be a hot topic, so I would appreciate it if everyone would be careful and respectful with their words and comments, if there are any.  This is simply my opinion.  I can honestly say that I have prayed and sought God on this subject.  I feel that we have made this decision out of a true desire to please God with all areas of our life, and I trust Him to show me if I am way off the mark.

With that said, these are my feelings on types of birth control:

1.  God demands that we respect and honor life.  He explicitly states that we are not to murder (or end life).  Therefore, any form of "birth control" that ends life is completely out of bounds.  It is murder.  Abortion or the "morning after" pill are simply socially-accepted forms of murder, and I'm not okay with that.

2.  Methods of birth control that prevent conception from occurring are okay, in my opinion.  These methods (condoms, diaphragms, NFP, hormonal supplements that prevent ovulation, etc...) do not end life.  At the very most, they prevent life from being formed.  And I would argue (based on my experience) that God can totally and completely work around these methods.  LOL!  (Two of our children were conceived while we were on multiple forms of birth control.)

And these are my feelings on whether or not it's okay to use birth control:

God grants wisdom to those who ask for it.  Wisdom is exhorted in Proverbs.  I believe He wants us to use wisdom in all areas of our lives.  (As long as we don't allow worldly wisdom to override Godly instruction that requires faith.)  In my opinion, solely my opinion, there are situations in which it is unwise to have children. 

In my circumstances, it is incredibly likely that any future pregnancy will be unsuccessful...perhaps even lethal for my child.  If I felt God telling me that I was supposed to have more children biologically, then I would rebel against those earthly odds.  However, I feel a great peace with my two children.  I am so thankful that I have them.  I would feel incredibly selfish and unwise if I were to get pregnant and end up on bedrest again...especially if my child was born early and had difficulties with life or if my child perished.

In addition to my medical circumstances, I feel an equally strong commitment to God's command to watch after the widows and orphans as I do to God's command to be fruitful and multiply.  I can't really rationalize filling my home with additional biological children (whom I've chosen to add to the world), when there are so many children already in this world who need a loving and supportive home. 

These are my personal circumstances.  I am so thankful that Jesus came to fulfill the Law and abolish our slavery to legalism.  Anytime someone starts to lay down a bunch of rules on behalf of God, I get a little antsy.  He's given us everything we need in our relationship with Him through Jesus Christ.  I believe that, through prayer and fellowship with other believers, we can (and will) live a life that pleases God...and it won't be because we chose to keep having as many babies as we possibly could.

Lastly, I reserve my right to change my opinion on this subject at any time.  :)  Like I said, I have prayed a lot about it, but that doesn't mean God's done with my heart.  These are simply my feelings at this time in my life, based upon my conversations with God up to this point.

Be blessed!

My goodness, it's been a long time since I've been over here.  Almost a month...that's a shame.  I've been a busy lady, but I miss this place.  This morning, I wrote about thinking that I was pregnant over on Not2Us.  I wrote about a little bit of my feelings, but not all of them.

I miss being pregnant.  I know I was just pregnant three months ago, but that's not the pregnancy I miss.  I miss my pregnancy from June 20, 2006 - January 23, 2007.  For those seven months, I absolutely loved being pregnant.  At first I was a little nervous and scared of a miscarriage, but not much.  I mostly just trusted that God knew what He was doing.  After the twelfth week, I was home free.  My pudgy stomach was starting to round out and no longer nauseated at every turn.  The reality was sinking in, and I was super excited.  Once my stomach got obviously round and pregnant, I really loved being pregnant.  Anja and I would talk about the baby, people at the library, playground, or mall would comment and ask questions.  I could feel my sweet baby moving around inside me, and I was full of the hopes and dreams of being a mommy...a real live mommy!

And then our lives changed.  On January 24, 2007, we found out that my body really just doesn't know how to do pregnancy right.  My water broke, and it was downhill from there.  Ruby had a rough start, and we questioned whether we really wanted to do it all again.  The doctors had told me that we had a 25% chance that the pPROM would happen again.  (Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes)

When we found out we were pregnant with Burke, we had our first appointment, and our doctor changed the odds of recurrent pPROM from 25% to 50%.  In my heart, I felt like it was a question of WHEN my water would break...not IF.  On June 18, 2008, we had our answer.  The WHEN was at 17 weeks 5 days gestation.  The doctors said that baby would die, and I went on strict bedrest to await the worst.

But the best happened...my baby boy lived!  He beat all kinds of odds, and he's sitting at my feet in his bouncy chair, as healthy as can be.

Now, my doctors tell me that the chance of recurrent pPROM, for me, is at least 95%.  It would almost definitely be a question of WHEN and the WHEN would probably be even earlier than it happened with Burke.  Our odds would be even worse, as if that's possible.

So, knowing that my body is rather retarded when it comes to carrying a baby, we've decided to be thankful for the blessings we've already been given and not test the odds.

And I'm struggling a little bit...which is so odd.  Why?  Because, for quite some time (close to four years), I've said that my dream family would consist of two biological children, two adopted children, and two open spots in our home for foster children...a nice round half-dozen of children to love, nurture, and raise.  So far, we're on track!

So why do I feel so sad about being done having children?  I'm sure it's a mix of things.

1.  I like to have control and make decisions.  Essentially, this decision has been taken out of my hands.  This decision is the only logical, responsible decision.
2.  I think every woman probably feels a bit of sadness when her childbearing years are finished no matter the circumstances surrounding the end.
3.  I'm worried that the rest of "the plan" won't work out.

You see...adoption is expensive...really expensive.  And, even if we are able to save up the money, we have friends who can't have children, and they are going to adopt.  They deserve that money and those children so much more than we do.  We already have children.  Why would I be so selfish as to spend the money that God has blessed me with to add to my family when they simply need the money just to get started?  I want to be able to pay for their adoptions (or at least as much as they need) and ours, but I'm just not sure that we'll be able to do both things, and their adoptions are my priority.

On the other side of financial concerns:  I want to be able to help my children when they are starting their independent adult journeys.  But that gets expensive.  If I plan to stay home for the majority of my children's young years, then Mike and I won't be raking in the dough.  We'll need to save for our own future, as well as theirs.  Each time we add a future to that pot, more will be taken away from the other futures.  I just want to make sure that I can help my children as much as possible, and I don't want to be irresponsible.

Not only that, but if we really want to adopt/foster children, we need a much bigger house.  In this area, I think foster children must have their own rooms.  I wasn't even planning on the kids getting their own rooms, even if they were all biological.  I want to have a big family...it's just not plausible for six children to each have their own room...  Obviously, this is putting the cart before the horse, but that's something I'm really good at.  :)

Completely aside from the financial portion of the decision, I want to make sure to do what God wants me to do.  *I* have always wanted a big family, but what if He wants me to have a smaller family so that I have more time to do other things for Him?  I want to keep that in mind. 

I guess I just mostly want to have my cake and eat it, too.  :)  I'm just experiencing some sadness knowing that a certain chapter of my life is closing.  Not sad because I think it's the wrong decision, just sad because it all happened too quickly for my liking.  :)

It felt good to get this out.  Now I'm excited to start focusing on the future!!

First up?  We're going to need a bigger house in a couple years...  There's an empty lot for sale in a historic neighborhood here in town.  The original house burnt down.  I have always thought it would be a blast to build a new historic replica in an historic neighborhood, but how often does one find an empty lot in a historic neighborhood??  Anyway, I'm in the midst of some research to see if it's even a possibility for us on our budget.  I don't think it is, but I'm a little persistent when it comes to these things.  :)

I hope you're all doing well!!  Head over to the Skribbit and give me some ideas of things to write about!!

Put It Away

Here we are on the cusp of the single most inspiring and uplifting time of the year, and I am (was) feeling the least inspired or uplifted I had felt in quite some time.  Not depressed, not sad, not discouraged, necessarily...just not inspired.  Just not encouraged.  Just sort of blah, I guess you'd say.

That's not okay with me.  There are surely people who are okay with living their lives on a blah level, but I am not one of those people.  I want my life to be lived with passion, with conviction, with certainty, and with love...tons and tons of love that just spills over and drenches every single person around me.  And that's not the life I was living...

I have not been able to get Christmas out of my head for about a week or so.  I introduced Ruby to Santa, and she has been enthralled since.  I introduced her to Baby Jesus, Mommy Mary, and Daddy Joseph, and she thinks they are wonderful characters.  We have watched "Santa Clause 2" several times, as well as some of the claymation Christmas classics.  I have been thinking and thinking about how to bless our family and friends for Christmas on a small budget.  I have been dreaming of how to show Ruby the true importance of this most special time.

However, all of that is not what captured my heart...not at all.

You see, two thousand years ago, a miracle baby was born.  And two months ago?  Another miracle baby was born.  And my life is what it is because of those two miracle babies.

Jesus Christ came into this world just like the rest of us...naked, cold, hungry, and scared...needing a Mommy.  But he grew up to be exactly what He was destined to be: the Son of God, God in the Flesh, a man who made such an impact on this world that now, two thousand years later, we are still celebrating his birthday with the biggest party of the year.  Jesus Christ's life has changed my life in a way that I cannot mask or ignore.

Burke Michael came into this world a little different than the rest of us...with a broken heart and immature lungs...needing a medical miracle.  But it's not his arrival or even his short life that has made the biggest impact on me.  It was his gestation.  Weeks on my back that turned into months.  Time spent contemplating my life and it's worth, it's meaning.  And all that time spent on my back?  Oh...it was so necessary.  God needed to get some time alone with me, and time He got.  And input I got.

I know that I shared glimpses and snippets of what was happening in my heart, but I'm not sure that I accurately conveyed the sheer depth of revelation that happened during those weeks.

I very literally learned what I'm supposed to do with my life. 

I am made and shaped (with every fiber of my being) to reach out and minister to women...of all ages, shapes, types, backgrounds, and situations.  (Minister is just a fancy word for loving the heck out of you and helping you through this thing we call life.)  God has deposited things into my life, mind, heart, and soul to share with other women.  I cannot be silent.

Even though I had been shown the "what" of my life, God held back the "how."  I was having a hard time reconciling the fact that God had told me to start reaching out to women with the fact that I had no place of influence in any women's lives.  I figured it would be kind of hard to love women and help them through life, if I didn't really have any women to reach out to.

And then you all started reading my words, e-mailing me, leaving comments, and telling me that God was speaking to you.  I had been suspicious that the internet might be one of the avenues where God used me, but I didn't really expect such a response.

And then...on the day I gave birth...my pastor asked me to step into the Lead Member role for our church's women's ministry.  I heartily accepted the offer.  Sure, I was only a few hours post-op, but I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this was the position I was supposed to inhabit for this season.  No doubt whatsoever.

Less than a week later, an announcement was made to the leadership team of the women's ministry.  The announcement was quite a shock to the team.  I mean, quite frankly, it was a shock to me, as well.  However, as my pastor said, "When God moves, He moves.  And when He says, "Go," we have to go."  This *is* the time for me to be in this position.

I say that with not even a single ounce of pride.  In fact, my heart is so humbled and overwhelmed with this responsibility that I am not even tempted to rely on my strength or abilities.  No way, no how.  This is God's deal, and for some reason, He has chosen to use me right now.  I know it's hard for some of you to understand.  I know I'm young.  I know that I have less experience as a wife.  I know I have less experience as a mother.  I know all of that...but I also know, to the core of who I am, that I was made and shaped for exactly this.  This is what I'm supposed to be doing right now.

Because of the unrest that has been present during this transition, Satan has been creeping in and planting seeds of untruth in my heart.

"Sure, you have a ton of support...just not from the people that you need it from."

"If you step up and truly lead, you are going to alienate people.  Just let it ride..."

"Everyone is comfortable with the status quo...think twice before you shake things up."

Well, I've got news for you, Satan:

You suck.  You are so very wrong.  You are crafty, but I'm a quick learner.  I see what you're doing, and your time is finished.  Done.  Over.  Shall be no more.

Because now?  Now it's God's turn.

There is something amazing and wonderful that He wants to do in this group of women.  You, the women of Elston Family Church, and you, the women who read my blogs.  You are amazing women.  You have gifts, abilities, talents, and experience that God cannot wait to use.  And it's time for us to use them...wholly and without reservation.

My point??  We have got to change our input.  I really feel like God is wanting to influence us in a way that we haven't seen in quite a while, but we have GOT to get tuned in.  To Him.  Only Him.  Shut out the world: your unsupportive husband, your lack of self-confidence, your fear of rejection, your past experiences that haunt you, your distrust, your lack of inspiration...  Put it away.

Those things are robbing you of what God truly wants for your life.  If you're listening to what society tells you about yourself, then there is no way you can be doing the things that God wants you to do right now.  If I put sour milk in my pot to make hot chocolate, I am not going to get rich velvety goodness at the end.

I know that sounds vague...Put it away.  Stop listening to the world.

Sounds great, but how?  Right?

Well, I'm glad you asked.  We do it by changing our input.

I know this post is already really long, so if you don't wanna go any further, you can stop here.  I'm starting a new section.  If you come back later, you'll be able to find this place easily, because I'm going to put a big old Header on it. :)

Change Your Input

First of all, you have got to change what you're telling yourself.  Seriously, just shut up.  I'm sorry, I don't mean to be so blunt, but unless you are talking to God A LOT and speaking His Word over yourself, then you need to stop talking to yourself.  I don't pretend to know exactly what you're telling yourself, but I can bet it's probably not entirely accurate.  You're probably beating yourself down in certain areas and/or blowing yourself up in other areas.  Neither is okay.  We need to re-affirm what God says about us.  Here are some good starts:

*God made us, and he made us well.  Psalm 139:13-14  "You are the one who put me together in my mother's body, and I praise you because of the wonderful way you created me.  Everything you do is marvelous!  Of this I have no doubt."

*Our past?  It's HISTORY!!  It is not held against us.  When we become a follower of Jesus Christ, we become something new.  We have the excellent opportunity to start all over again and do it as best as we can.  2 Corinthians 5:17 (This is one of my very, very, very favorite verses.) "Anyone who belongs to Christ is a new creation.  The past is forgotten, and everything is new!"

*God has given you talents and abilities that He wants you to use!   If you are a Christian, you have been given specific abilities that the Holy Spirit uses in you.  Use them!  1 Corinthians 12:7  "The Spirit has given each of us a special way of serving others."

*You are NOT alone.  God is not asking you to do this thing alone.  He is here, in the form of the Holy Spirit.  Not only that, but he has called us to be a family and to meet together and to help each other as we live life.  John 14:15-17 "Jesus said to his disciples: If you love me, you will do as I command.  Then I will ask the Father to send you the Holy Spirit who will help you and always be with you."  Hebrews 10:24-25  "We should keep on encouraging each other..."

*God has such good things in store for you!  You can take his word for it, or you can take mine.  :)  I'm just telling you...a life lived with the goal of glorifying God is a life that turns out so blessed and good.  So good...

I have to leave Barnes and Noble.  They're closing.  They are kicking me out.  :)  I have so much more to say about Changing Your Input.  I just wanted to start tonight by encouraging us to start listening to the One who MADE US.  He knows all about us, and He knows why he made us...for what purpose and for what reason.  And He says that reason is good.  He has faith in us...as hard as that is to believe.  He trusts us to do His work here on Earth.  We have got to start focusing on what God has told us about ourselves, instead of what others are telling us...including ourselves.

I really do love you guys.  I want to see your lives be blessed beyond your wildest imagination.  I can't do it for you.  I'm poor.  I'm weak.  I have nothing to give you.

Except Him.  That Miracle Baby has done so very much for my life that I absolutely must share Him with all of you.  I must.

Be blessed.  Be so blessed tonight.

Aaron Shust has said:
"Give me words to speak
Don't let my Spirit sleep
Cause I can't think of anything worth saying
But I know that I owe you my life"

For days, I have been yearning to blog about something worthwhile.  But I haven't had anything to blog about.  Everytime I sat down to write, I just couldn't think of anything valuable enough to take up your precious time.  Tonight, however, that changed.

I'm not sure how active many of you are in the "blogosphere."  For those of you who are well connected and in the know, I'm sorry if this is repeat information.  For those of you who don't already know:

A group of bloggers is currently using their passion for wordiness to change the world...one child at a time.

The Compassion Bloggers are a group of people brought together by Compassion International to help spread the word about the work that Compassion is doing around the world to give needy children a better start in life.  Compassion has chosen to invite bloggers on a mission trips to view and experience, first hand, the absolute need for programs like Compassion.  In return, these bloggers have been/are/will be blogging their experiences during their trip...in real time. 

Earlier this year, a group of Compassion Bloggers visited the Compassion Project in Uganda.  You can read their experience here.

Right now, a group of Compassion Bloggers is visiting the Compassion Project in the Dominican Republic.  Each day, they'll be posting updates from their days on their blogs.  For ease, you can visit this page to see all the posts in one place.  I'm going to be putting up a banner on my sidebar, if you'd prefer to use my blog as a means of access.  (My website is currently *NOT* cooperating with me, and it will only let me put the banner at the very bottom of the sidebar, so scrolldown, if you wanna use the banner.  Thanks!)

Why am I bringing this to your attention?  For many reasons, but mostly because I feel like this (caring for the needy) is our duty.

Matthew Fox has said, "Compassion is not sentiment but is making justice and doing works of mercy. Compassion is not a moral commandment but a flow and overflow of the fullest human and divine energies."  I would ammend his statement just the slightest bit to say that compassion is not just a moral commandment but also a flow and overflow of the fullest Divine energy in a human's life.  A lot of mumbo jumbo, right?

What I mean is this:  We are commanded to have mercy and compassion for the needy.  More than that, when we realize the impact that God (the Divine energy) has had on and in our lives, we will not be able to contain that energy.  When we realize how incredibly blessed we are, that blessing should overflow and pour out of our lives into others' lives.  God calls us to spread his love and blessing.  To whom much is given, much is required...

I hear my countrymen complaining about our current economic crisis.  Most of us have no idea...none whatsoever.  Crisis is not having to take the bus, because gas is too expensive.  Crisis is not having a smaller Christmas, because the stocks didn't do as well this quarter. 

Crisis is leaving a child on the beach or the doorstep of the local church, because you honestly cannot put even a scrap of food on the table.  Crisis is infant mortality due to a complete lack of prenatal care and extreme maternal malnutrition.  Yes, we are facing crisis in parts of our country, but we have certainly lost sight of how incredibly blessed we are in general.

How can I refuse to give $32/month so that a young child can have food to eat, safe water to drink, a bed in which to sleep, and an education?  How can I deny that child?  Especially when my completely frivolous and unnecessary cable costs $52/month...

I put the Compassion Bloggers in front of you, because I need to put them in front of myself.  I do not ever want to get so blinded to others' need that I fail to meet the need in whatever small way I can.  And, friends, I can afford $32/month to save a child's life and introduce them to Jesus Christ.  I most certainly can afford that.

If you can't afford $32/month, that's okay.  You can give a gift of any size to Compassion by using their Donation Page.  And if you honestly can't afford to help Compassion at this time, that's okay.  Pray that God would move in the hearts of those who can.  Pray that God would protect the Compassion workers and the bloggers who are currently traveling to spread the word about this need.  Some of them are way out of their comfort zones, and I greatly admire that.

If can afford more than $32/month, don't let yourself off the hook.  Countless children are waiting to be given a fighting chance in this life.  Be the hands and feet (or the pocketbook) of Jesus Christ.  Sponsor more than one child. 

If you don't feel led to support Compassion International, I urge you to pray and look around and see where you are supposed to be digging in.  Where are you supposed to be showing the love of God?  He wants to use all of us: our time, our talent, our passion, our resources...everything.  Allow Him to use you.

Do it for her.


(gorgeous photo taken by Mary from Owlhaven)