Okay, I'm nervous about writing this post.  Let me preface it by saying that I have learned these things through experience.  There are some things I have learned by observation, by watching other people live their lives.  Unfortunately, I have learned about the bad news first-hand.  Therefore, you can be sure that I am not directing this post at any one person, other than myself.  I'm just thinking that other people can probably relate to some of these things.

So, on with the show:

The bad news is that, even when I think I know (or am admitting) my worst, I'm usually actually still deceiving myself.  I'm not even happy enough to settle for deceiving myself in one way.  I go far enough to employ several types of deception.  Would you like to know some of the ways I deceive myself?  Sure you would!

Deception #1:  Admitting my weaknesses/transgressions...kind of.

I'm great at admitting my weaknesses and shortcomings...at least the ones that are bad, but not unforgivable.  I can admit that I don't always exhibit great control over my speech.  I'm often thoughtless, and I say things that end up being hurtful.  I don't work on controlling my speech as much as I should.  See that's easy to admit.  You know what's harder to admit? 

It's much harder to admit that sometimes I know that my words will hurt someone, and I choose to say them anyway.  Did you hear me?  Did you read that correctly?  I have chosen to say hurtful things to people.

And you can be sure that I'm not even admitting the worst here.  You guys got to respond anonymously, and some of you even admitted that you weren't admitting your worst.

Deception #2:  Ignoring my weaknesses/transgressions...as much as possible.

Deception #1 leads to Deception #2.  A lot of times, I can "admit" my minor weaknesses enough that I allow myself to completely ignore my major weaknesses.  And then, when they come to mind again, I can usually admit to it a little bit again, so that I can ignore it again.  I think sometimes I get so good at ignoring some of my weaknesses that I forget I have them altogether.  Kind of skews my view of myself, if I don't even remember some of my weaknesses.

Deception #3:  Justifying my weaknesses.

Oh man, am I good at this one...  I don't know how I do it, but there are a lot of times that I convince myself (and even others) that my weaknesses actually aren't that bad.  As with the earlier example, controlling my speech.  I often justify my most recent hurtful words by saying that the object of my derision deserved it.  If the person really did deserve it, then that's proper logic, right?

Wrong.  I remind you of kindergarten.  "Two wrongs do not make a right."  I don't care who you are or where you come from, that statement is true, always.  There is never any justification for doing something wrong, period.

I'm good at forgetting (or ignoring) that, though.

Deception #4:  Becoming the victim.

We've all done it before.  Still using the weakness of controlling my speech as my example:  There are many times when I have claimed that someone or something else made me do it/say it.  I'm just a victim of the circumstances.  Obviously, these past ten weeks have been slightly stressful for my family.  Being stuck in a bed is a frustrating existence.  There are several times when I have been unnecessarily short or harsh with one of my family members.  (I hope I have limited it to them.  If I have hurt anyone else, I am so sorry.  I sincerely mean it.)  Even when the little voice inside tells me that I was wrong, my first instinct is to think, "But I'M the VICTIM!!  Surely anyone would understand that I'm going to be a little bit short or harsh at this time in my life."

No excuse, friends.  No excuse.  No one did this to me.  This is an unfortunate result of the way my body is formed.  No one should have to pay for my circumstance.

And it doesn't even change if the person actually did cause or contribute to my circumstance.  I take you back to the kindergarten adage, "Two wrongs do not make a right."  They never will.  Heaping one hurt on top of another hurt never made anyone feel better.

So, there they are...the first four deceptions I can think of.  I know there are more, but I think those are probably the four that are most prevalent/most distinct.

There is one other thing that contributes to the inaccurate view of ourselves.  It's not necessarily a deception...it's more of a misunderstanding.  I'll be writing about it tomorrow, I think.  Then, we're going to move on from the bad news, okay?  :)  I don't like to dwell on the bad news!!

(P.S.  Thank you for being my sounding board!!  Much of this might be a "Duh!" sort of thing to you.  Believe me when I say that I don't think I'm unique or amazing with this stuff.  I know I'm not the first one who has realized some of these things.  However, I really feel like I'm supposed to be writing this stuff.  So, until I think I'm supposed to stop, I'm going to keep going.  Thanks for letting me write to you all.  I appreciate it deeply!)