For the past five and a half years I have served under a pastor who fully realized and believed in my gift of worship.  As such, he granted me great freedom in the area of leading others in worship.  Very few limitations were placed on me in my role of leading worship.  In fact, he often encouraged me to step out in greater faith when I boxed myself in.

I never once took these privileges and gifts for granted.  I learned more about freedom of worship in my five years at Elston than in the combined 22 years of attending church before that time.

And when I knew God was calling me to leave Elston?  I mourned over the loss of that freedom and responsibility.

For the past six weeks, I have thought about it a lot.  A LOT.  My thoughts have ranged from selfish to sinful to worshipful to godly.

Selfish (which is sinful):

"I love to worship in a purely Spirit-led fashion.  I don't want to do verse-chorus-verse-chorus-chorus-bridge-chorus for the rest of my life."

(Can I tell you that our preferences in music (yours and mine) have *nothing* to do with worship?  Nothing at all.  When I first came to EFC, I didn't like the music at all.  I felt like each song went on for half an hour.  I got bored with the choruses, and I found my mind wandering to my grocery list.  My worship was selfish and sinful.  Our worship (both on Sunday mornings and every single other day of the week) are for God's pleasure, not ours.  I am so incredibly thankful and grateful that God brought my heart and mind around to realizing this truth.  And I am honored (beyond explanation) that He chose to use me for a time to lead the people at Elston into His presence.  But that certainly doesn't entitle me (or you) to that kind of worship for the rest of our lives.  We *must* learn how to continue to worship God, even when it doesn't fit our exact asthetic.)

Sinful (specifically arrogance):

"I lead worship as well or better than everyone I know.  It is *obvious* that I should be a lead worshiper in whatever church we join."

(Can I tell you that this thought has appeared often, and it makes me sick to my stomach?  Can I also tell you that I have begged God to right my heart and mind and align them with HIS heart and HIS mind?  Can I tell you that I have been blessed (immensely blessed) and moved (immensely moved) by the worship I have experienced (at First Southern Baptist and Faith Baptist) every single Sunday since I've left Elston?  It is my most sincere desire that God will remind me to honor the people He has chosen to lead me into His presence at any church at any time.)

Worshipful:

"Leading people into the presence of God is one of the highest forms of love I can offer them.  There is nothing I enjoy more than loving on God in public in order to lead others to love Him, too."

(Can I tell you that, in my desperate worry over never leading others in worship ever again, I have had some of the most intense and blessed times of personal worship that I have ever experienced?)

Godly:

Over the past six weeks, I have been on my knees (and a lot of times on my face) begging Him to create in me a clean heart.  I have prayed (over and over) that He would search my heart and weigh my motives.  I have not prayed these things only in regards to worship, but in regards to my entire life...which is actually my spiritual act of worship...my offering.  When He has revealed sinful thoughts or actions or motives, I have repented.

I know that, despite my weaknesses and millions of imperfections, my heart's very deepest desire is to love God with all of my heart, mind, soul, and strength...which is to worship Him in Spirit and Truth.  

The past six weeks of prayer and meditation and worship have brought a pretty startling revelation to me.  One that will challenge me and challenge my way of thinking.  And the principle behind the revelation?  It's hugely important for your life, too.

Stay tuned for iWorship 4.0.