Ephesians 3:20,21 "Now to him who is able to immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever!  Amen."  (NIV)

Ephesians 3:20,21 "God can do anything, you know - far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams!  He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit gently and deeply within us.

Glory to God in the church!
Glory to God in Christ Jesus!
Glory down through all the generations!
Glory through all millenia!  Oh, yes!"  (The Message)

I was first introduced to this verse during a college retreat that I attended the spring semester before I enrolled at Purdue University.  I was dating a young man who did not have a personal relationship with Jesus.  I loved this young man very much, and I very much wanted him to know the safety, security, love, and purpose found in Jesus.  I had been praying for him the entire weekend.  Then, at the end of the weekend, as I was on my knees, with tears streaming down my face, I heard this verse read aloud as I prayed for my friend. 

It was more than I could have dreamed...that God would bring this man into relationship with himself.  It was more than I could have imagined...that God would allow me to be part of that process.  The verse, however, took hold in my heart, and I began to stand on the promise.  The promise that I served a God who could do more than I could ever ask or imagine.

Over the past nine years, this verse has been a cornerstone upon which I have built my life.

Through depression, through trying times in my dating relationship with Mike, through troubled pregnancies and the loss of a baby, I have been able to cling to this verse...claiming that God was more than big enough to handle my situation.

For the past several months, however, I have been struggling with something.  I have a big vision for my family.  I believe and know, with all of my heart, that I am meant to be the mother to more than two children.  My heart is not finished.  My home is not full.

I will never have another child biologically, though.  Since I was a very young girl, I have had a desire to adopt children.  Since I completed my social work courses in college, I have had a desire to become a foster parent. 

But adopting children?  That takes money.

And being a foster parent?  That takes space (in the home.)

Over the past few months, I have become increasingly discouraged.  I have looked at our bank account (and our ever-present medical bills for our medically-challenged children) and wondered how we will ever have enough money to bring new children into this family.  I have looked at my house (and the future houses in our price range) and wondered how the State of Indiana would ever grant us the permission to host additional children in our home. 

And the vision started to die.  Little by little, I have surrendered bits of my dream.  I found myself pushing aside my original visions of Christmases with six children and replaced them with visions of our little family of four opening presents and traveling to the grandparents.  These new visions have weighed heavily...very heavily...on my heart.

They are foreign to me.  They do not "fit."  I feel like a stranger in my own daydreams.

I know that God created me to be the mother to many.  I simply couldn't see how he was going to accomplish that task.

Then, Mike and I found a 5 bedroom, 2.5 bath house on a cul-de-sac that was listed for $95,000.  It needs some major work, and it's most likely not going to work out.  However, for reasons I honestly cannot explain, I can see God. 

Even if this house offer does not come through, I feel as though I can hear God saying, "NOTHING is too big for me, Lindsay.  Nothing.  I have called you to be a mother to many.  Leave the details to me.  I can give you the Pythian Home, if I want.  You can fill all 25 bedrooms with children, and you can love them to pieces.  The details are my responsibility...and I can do more than you could ever imagine.  Don't forget that, sweet one.  Stop getting distracted by the world.  Stop looking at the circumstances around you.  Keep looking at me.  Right here...in my eyes.  Look at me.  I love you.  I have called you.  I will equip you.  Just stay focused on me...keep running after me.  Stay close to me, and let me unveil the plans in my time.  I have a plan.  Simply rely on me."

And I have felt such a relief and SUCH encouragement by remembering that simple fact.  Remembering that it's totally okay if my dreams and visions are God-Sized...because I happen to know this God dude...and he's bigger than anything he will ever call me to.

So thankful for that.  So thankful.

I'm yours, dude.  Use me.  I promise to stop trying to figure it out on my own.  One step after another...follwing you.