***REQUEST:  If you haven't already answered that post (or the similar post on Not 2 Us), please don't read this one yet.  You don't have to comment on the blog and leave your answer, but please just take a couple of minutes to answer the questions for yourself before you read this post.  I promise there is a point!***

Okay, with that out of the way, I didn't want to keep all of you who have already commented out on a limb.  Or even those of you who have read the post, thought about it but didn't comment, and are ready to find out *why* I care what you think about yourself.  :)

Here is the deal (and promise you won't laugh):  I think I'm going to start writing a book.  The book might actually end up taking shape as a Bible study, but I'm not sure yet, because I want anyone and everyone to be able to read the book without feeling like I'm trying to pressure them into a certain line of belief.  I think there are some important things that people need to hear.  I am sure these things have been said before, but I think I might be able to say them with a unique voice.  It's not that I think I'm special, but I think maybe I connect with an audience out there who is being overlooked.  I think some of you may be a part of that audience, and there are a few things I want you to know.  :)

(As a disclaimer, when you read the word "you" in the following statements, you can be sure that I am talking just as much to myself as I am to you!  These are lessons that I have already learned or am currently learning.  These lessons/realizations have changed my life in such a way that I really don't want to keep them to myself. That's the only reason I'm directing them at you.)

Number One?  You aren't who you think you are. 

Some of you are saying, "Well, duh!  I'm not who I think I am, because I don't even know who I think I am!!"  You're a little bit (or a lotta bit) relieved that someone is getting ready to tell who you are, because, quite frankly, you've been wondering for quite some time.

Others of you are saying, "Excuse me?  Who exactly do *you* think *you* are?  You don't know me.  You don't even know I read this blog.  How in the world do you think you can tell me something about myself?"  You're a little (or a lot) unsettled that you shared some of your deepest thoughts with me, and now I'm trying to tell you that you're wrong.

Still others of you aren't really thinking anything, but you're kind of intrigued by the drama of the two previous types of people.  You're curious enough that you're going to keep reading, because you wanna see if maybe, just maybe, I say something that clicks with you.  :)

For all of you, I have to tell you that there's some bad news I need to share.  I also want to encourage you that there is some really great news I want to share, as well!  I'm a bad-news-first type of girl, so here it goes:

The Bad News:  At your worst, you're even worse than you think...or admit.

The Good News:  You aren't alone.  And your worst is not the end of your legacy.

The Best News:  At your best, you are even better than you think or admit or even know.  At your best, you are worth so much that it is almost impossible to describe, but I'm gonna give it a shot.  :)

So...this is the part where I am going to be a little mean.  I am at the very, very, very beginning stages of trying to think through *exactly* what I want to say.  I don't want to try to tell you much more, because I want to make sure I get it right.  So...if you will hold on to the bad, the good, and the best for now, I promise I will give you more as it comes to me.  I'm not going to wait to write the whole book and make you buy it or anything like that.  Actually, I may never get around to writing the book at all.  This is for all of you.  I'll be giving it to you as quickly as I can, without overwhelming you too much.

If you'd like to know where I go with this, keep checking in.  (I'll also always link over on Not 2 Us for those of you who read N2U, but not LIA.)

If you'd like to know where I go with this, but you're not really all that hip on checking in to a blog that you're not really interested in, then just use the contact form above to e-mail me.  Just say something simple like, "I'd like to receive the posts on the "Who Are You" subject."  I'll put you all together on an e-mail list (that will be blind and secure), and I'll e-mail the posts to you as they come.  That way, you won't have to read the blog each day.

I hope this helps just one of you.  That's all.  I have no dreams of changing the world, but I know there is someone out there who knows that there has just got to be something more.  You're not really sure where to start looking (or you've looked in so many places and you're frustrated with your lack of progress), so you've just sort of given up.  I'm here to tell you that there is definitely more, and, in a lot of ways, it starts with you.  All of this "Who Are You" stuff is for you.  I hope, in the end, you realize just how amazing you are.

For those of you who don't know, Mike is right in the middle of his job search.  Actually, I suppose it's more accurate to say that he's at the end of his job search.  Just a little background:  Mike will be completing his Master's Degree in Analytical Chemistry within the next couple of weeks.  He originally started graduate school to pursue his Ph.D., but things have changed along the way.  Not only has our family grown, but Mike discovered a passion (and pretty natural talent) for web design and development. 

About a year ago, Mike started feeling like he would really prefer to spend his future doing web work.  It didn't surprise me at all, because I had been saying for a couple of years that I really couldn't see him working in a lab for the rest of his life.  When I got pregnant with Burke, it seemed like a pretty obvious sign that it was time to finish his education in Chemistry and enter the work force.  Obviously, we assumed he would be entering the scientific field.  That was where Mike originally focused his job search.

When things failed to be promising in that arena, Mike redirected his focus and broadened his search.  He was offered two interviews with two web development companies in Indianapolis, and things moved quickly.  He had a first interview on Monday, a second interview on Thursday, and an offer on Friday!  Not only that, but both of the companies hired Mike to do some contract work in the mean time.  :)  I immediately felt like the ease and speed of the process was a blessing from God.  We had started to feel very anxious that Mike might not receive any type of offer at all, and that would be very hard for our family.  When this fell into place quickly, I felt very encouraged.

On the opposite side, Mike felt incredibly discouraged.  While the company offered a generous annual salary, their medical coverage and benefits package was lacking quite a bit.  For some families, medical coverage might not be too much of a concern.  However, due to my current situation with Burke and Ruby's severe allergy, it was an incredibly worrisome point for us.  Mike almost immediately gave up any hope of working for this company.  He decided he would just go work in a position that he didn't enjoy, in order to make plenty of money with good benefits for his family.

I was so incredibly disheartened.  I haven't cried much during the entire nine weeks of bedrest, but seeing his discouragement hurt my heart.  Seeing him be willing to sacrifice job satisfaction for financial security was something that I *really* didn't want to witness.  My heart's desire is for him to be immensely happy, and I'm willing to do whatever I have to do to make that possible.

Here's the really cool part:

I refused to give up hope.  Sure, the initial outlook wasn't very promising at all.  However, I refuse to believe that we should just give up hope, without trying our best to look for the opportunity to reach for our dreams!!  It probably won't always be easy.  That's why they are called dreams.  But they are always worth pursuing!

I spent all of Friday afternoon and all of yesterday researching individual private medical insurance.  I worked the numbers in Excel like I was an educated certified public accountant.  :)  I prayed and prayed and sought wisdom from people I trust the most.  In the end, I felt incredibly sure that Mike should pursue this opportunity at all costs.

Sometimes, you've just gotta step out on educated faith.  (NOT BLIND FAITH!!!  Blind faith can be incredibly dangerous.  Hear me when I say that I spent *hours* researching our options and looking at the bottom lines and seeking wisdom from others.)

Anyway, Mike has sent a reply to the company, asking for a small compromise.  The compromise would allow us to purchase individual private medical insurance.  It would still require a *huge* sacrifice and act of faith on our part, but we are willing to do this.  I am praying with all of my heart that things work out and my husband is able to have a job that he loves.  I know it's rare for people to have complete job satisfaction, but I also know the value of complete job satisfaction.  I'm willing to have significantly less income in order for my husband to be happy and fulfilled.

So...now that I've already written a small novel, here's the reason I titled this post, "Odd Excitement":

Like I said, accepting this position would be a huge sacrifice for our family.  In all honesty, we're pretty sure that the bottom line won't actually come out in the black.  Depending on the amount of medical bills we incur from Baby Burke and any other unexpected emergencies that arise, we could end up in a very tight spot.  Who am I kidding??  We're going to be in a tight spot, even if everything works out really well with Burke and all.

But here's my excitement:

I'm starting to get excited about budgeting again.  (Mike and I have always budgeted.  It's something that comes pretty easily to us, and we're weird enough to enjoy it.)  At first, I was disappointed with the salary, because it was the end to all my dreams of a cute nursery and house remodeling/redecoration.  I'm glad I felt that disappointment. 

It reminded me of one of my weaknesses.  I could easily become materialistic and wasteful.  I like pretty, shiny, expensive things.  However, I don't need them.  And, when I'm honest with myself, I know that my money could make *such* a difference if used in a different way.  (To encourage and inspire others, instead of giving me a catalog sort of home or kids dressed in Gymboree.) 

It was a reminder that stung.  It stung to realize that my first thoughts for what I would do with extra money would have been to spoil myself.  Ugh...shame on me!  (Please realize that I'm not saying everyone should feel this way.  My parents have a very nice home and very nice things, and they have blessed more people than I can ever hope to bless at the same time!!  I have no problem with pretty homes and nice belongings.  I just have a problem when they start to take too high of a priority in a person's life.  If I'm not careful, material things could very quickly assume a position far too high on my priority list.)

So, anyway, I'm starting to get really excited about shopping at Aldi's and perusing the aisles at Once Upon A Child again.  :)  And you better believe I'll be on the yard sale circuit next year when I'm not pregnant and on stupid bedrest.  :)  Some of you who are super-duper Aldi's shoppers and talented bargain finders will have to teach me some new tricks!

Have a great day, everyone!!  And pray for God to keep leading and guiding us during this job search time!!  And pray that Burke stays put until he is full term, and we can have a really easy, cheap labor and delivery with no hospital stay or NICU time!!